Enfys (livvyelf) wrote,
Enfys
livvyelf

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the calm

i'm ridiculously tired
i haven't eaten in two days
i have hardly slept

i haven't studied although i have had 16 hours of lecture since sunday
i need to take out the garbage and that makes me grouchy, because marcus always does it
yes i am spoiled

i never understood those people who could work full time and study full time and do all those other stuff that people do. i never had that kind of energy

somehow it's ok
dont ask me how
but it is
i can work crazy hours ( worked from 8 am til 7 pm today), and be stressed all day from work (being a new corporate account executive and trying to pick up all the back log from half assed done work - not an easy thing)
i can go to school crazy hours
oh and i had a test on monday which i studied for hmm about 10 hours... i'm pretty sure i got a perfect on it though so it was worth it.

how the hell did this happen?
when did i get this type of life?
jim was teasing me saying how i had become the man
i guess its not really teasing.. it's the truth, i'm part of the system
how the hell did that happen?

i was (am) a spoiled brat. i didn't ever have to work in my life... i never had to put any effort to get money... i always got whatever i wanted... all i had to do was go to school and do well...
no one ever thought i had this kind of discipline, no one... not even me ( or perhaps especially me!)

so here
crossed legged
listening to VAST
reading Mrs Dalloway

I still have time for myself *smile* ... i haven't become one of those who live to work... no, no i haven't.

marcus just called
"don't worry sweetie, i'll do the garbage when i get home"
me: "how much more do you have to study?"
marcus: "i'll probably be done a midnight"

why the hell would he offered to take the garbage out so late?
i am way to used to putting people in my service... my poor boy.

ok i am going to get the bath ( and bubbles) going, while i go downstairs and take the garbage out.

i hope all is well with you my crazy one :)
m:
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